The One Chance Parent

The One Chance Parent

What kind of parents are we becoming in this day and time? We place blame on our children and their generation with regards to crime, disrespect, etc. My question is this; does the apple really fall that far from the tree?

Let me explain. I have heard all my life the clichés:

• Kids these days do not respect their elders”
• Back in my day” – that’s my favorite one
• I never would have been able to get away with that”
• My kids will never…” – always enjoy hearing this one; def not prophetic though

There’s a laundry list of other clichés I could mention but for time and relevance I’ll stop here.  In my observation, I have found that most parents seem to be more concerned with being their kid’s friend rather than their parent. So if you’re among the few of us that actually want to be a parent, what are you teaching your children?  What are you doing to make an impact in their life?

Parents, my charge to you is that you rise up! Stop complaining about your children’s attitude to others. Parents, stop gossiping about your child’s lack of respect to everyone and their grandma! Dad and Mom, stop spreading your family’s business to every Dick and Jane that crosses your path. Parents… simply put 

BE THE PARENT 

We as parents are only allowed one chance to make a difference in our children’s frail and fragile lives. When we choose our tech devices over time spent at a pretend tea party or playing doctor with their teddy bear; what message are we sending?  Or, when we choose to have a guy’s night out or a girl’s get away what are we saying? We are most likely telling them, that they come 2^nd and maybe even third place in our life. Now this is not to be associated with the seldom date night. This is nights upon nights spent away from their children. How do I know this to be true? I deal with youth weekly, which have felt abandoned by their parents. We as parents have a great privilege that many are not so fortunate to have. We GET TO BE parents.

Separated families have an especially hard time with this. They somehow have become accustomed to only being part-time parents.

One of God’s greatest blessings in life is the ability to bare and raise children. Stop taking it for granted.

When my daughter was just under a year old someone gave me a card that read “anyone can be a father, it takes someone truly special to be a dad” So I’ll ask you; are you a mother and father, or are you a dad and mom?   

Parents, you have the right and the OBLIGATION to speak into your child’s life. What you speak into that life is up to you. I challenge you to put away your own agenda, complicated life styles, devices, and friends and spend that time opening up to your son or daughter. Become a real parent; let them see that you’re flawed just like they are. Help your children understand your past. If you want your children to be real and open with you… you need to be real and open with them!

God Bless. 

Parental Dogmatism

Parental Dogmatism


Now, that’s a title worth chewing on! What could I possibly mean by Parental Dogmatism? Dogmatism is defined as; (n) arrogant, stubborn assertion of opinion or belief; a statement of a point of view as if it were an established fact. I’m sure, from that definition alone; you can tell which direction the rudder is driving.


I am in the middle of a huge calamity between two sets of parents (yes, you read that right) and their children. The root of this calamity comes from the mother and father (now divorced) who constantly fight and argue over whose turn it is with their children. This escalates into further degradation of one another, in the presence of their teens, by means of slander and legal issues. It seems that these teens have lived among hatred and ill tempers, from both sides, all of their lives. Somehow, by God’s Amazing Grace, these teens have turned out to be respectful, courteous, well mannered, and successful in school, totally excelling in sports, AND neither girl teen nor boy teen holds interest in a significant other (that I am aware). What more could a parent ask for? The two teens are completely committed to church, the praise team, youth group, and any other function remotely related. They have, by far, surpassed my every expectation of how they would handle their given circumstances. So what!? The fact of the matter is that they have been living with this situation their entire childhood. I see the teens agonizing over circumstances weighted on them by their parents. For instance, “Why was father was doing this & that, or Why is you mother is always talking bad about me, Your dad is this and that, You mom never did this or that, etc etc? What teenager should ever have to serve as a mediator between their parents… not a single one! Unfortunately, THEY do!


Parents/guardians, have we completely forgotten what scripture demands of us? “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Ephesians 6:4 (NASB). The word fathers, in this blog, pertains to all headship guardians. If you are in authority over your children, or any child, it applies directly to you. Divorced parents, when will you realize that you are killing your children by playing them against the other parent. If you want respect from your children; they must see you portray a life of respect, humility, submission, and so forth. When will you understand that your dogmatic intention to “rule them with an iron fist” is only driving the wedge deeper and deeper? When are we as parents, counselors, pastors, small group leaders, etc, EVER going to wake up to the realization that if WE do not reach them (youth) with the gospel, Satan will reach them with his?


I have watched, for years, as these two teens have played the mediator between father and mother. All the while these teens are trying to find peace, love, and little understanding through this storm; neither parent seems to acknowledge their child’s desperation. The only interaction, now-a-days, that either parent seems to give their teen is a list of investigative inquires about the other parent. We teach our children at a young age to get along with others; when did this become foreign to us as adults? When did we regress into children? Why do we wrestle against principalities of evil when we have an ultimate mediator, Jesus Christ, who will do our fighting for us? (Exodus 14:10-14) Have we as guardians, parents, and adults become another peer? I would sincerely hope not!


Dogmatism has got to give way to unconditional love and tender mercies. Even a blacksmith realizes that the constant beating of metal will substantially weaken its ability to perform. Stop beating the dead horse! (insert your own euphemism here) Shelter your children, guide them through the Word, and pray with them on all occasions. And, pray for them without ceasing!


I have the amazing privilege to be the son of two of the most loving parents I have ever seen. (Ok, maybe I’m a bit biased, but I was taught, not just shown, what love is.) I never lacked ANYTHING; in fact my parents sacrificed, loved, and guided me so much that I could never begin to repay, nor would they ever accept it. Struggling parents, I encourage you to find other parents that have more experience, life lessons and Godly wisdom than you and cling tightly to them. You don’t always have to have older children to be the wiser parent. God imparts wisdom upon those who hunger and thirst for it. Let love be without hypocrisy, abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Fight the good the fight, and stay the course, your crown is laid up for you (tid-bits of a few of my favorite verses: Romans 12:9, 2 Tim 4:7-8).


Perhaps this will become a series on parenting (as if I could possibly offer advice). You do not have to have children to be a parent; it is the motive of your heart. Likewise, not all adults with children should be considered parents; it is the motive of your heart! God Bless!

I'd love to hear your thoughts.